Renowned scientist says well-intentioned concern may

unintentionally reactivate grief, heighten health anxiety and intensify

physical symptoms in emotionally vulnerable individuals

Prayagraj, 18 Oct (HS): Renowned scientist Dr Ajai Kumar

Sonkar, has highlighted an often-overlooked aspect of human psychology:

repeatedly asking someone about their health, although motivated by genuine

concern, may sometimes renew their emotional distress instead of helping them

recover. Dr Sonkar shared his personal experience of profound grief following

the sudden demise of his beloved dog. He revealed that the loss left him

extremely sad and anxious, with his heart beginning to pound whenever he

remembered his companion. He also began losing interest in activities that had

previously brought him happiness.

“During that difficult period, I shared my emotional

condition with some friends. Their concern was genuine, but they began asking

me frequently, ‘How is your health now?’ ‘I hope you are keeping well.’ ‘I am

worried about your health.’ I noticed that these repeated questions often

brought my attention back to my suffering. It felt as though the sadness I was

gradually trying to move beyond was being renewed again and again,” Dr Sonkar

said. The scientist observed that this experience prompted him to

reflect on how human communication can influence the brain's emotional state

and, through it, physical well-being.

How the brain reconnects with emotional pain: According to

Dr Sonkar, the human brain continuously connects present experiences with

memories, emotions and perceived threats. When a person experiences grief,

anxiety or prolonged stress, reminders of the painful period may reactivate the

associated emotional response. “The brain does not merely store memories as

information. Remembering an emotionally significant experience can also bring

back some of the feelings and bodily sensations associated with it. When

somebody repeatedly asks about our health, we may begin thinking again about

the period when we felt unwell, even if our attention had started shifting

towards normal life,” Dr Sonkar explained.

He noted that brain regions such as the amygdala, hippocampus

and prefrontal cortex contribute to emotional processing, memory and the

regulation of feelings. A health-related question may direct attention towards

previous symptoms, worries or memories of suffering, particularly in someone

who is already emotionally vulnerable. Dr Sonkar emphasised that the question

itself does not necessarily cause illness. Rather, its psychological effect

depends on the person's emotional condition, interpretation of the question and

sensitivity to repeated reminders.

Why thinking about health can make someone feel worse: Dr

Sonkar further observed that excessive attention to bodily sensations may

intensify anxiety in some individuals. “When we repeatedly think about whether

we are healthy, we may start monitoring our heartbeat, breathing, muscular

tension or other bodily sensations. A normal sensation may suddenly appear

unusual because our attention is focused on it. If we then become worried about

that sensation, anxiety may increase further,” he said.

He explained that this process is associated with

interoception, the brain's perception of internal bodily states. In people

prone to health anxiety, increased monitoring of physical sensations may

contribute to a cycle in which worry leads to greater bodily vigilance, which

in turn generates more worry.

The scientist added that anxiety can activate the autonomic

nervous system, producing genuine physical responses such as a pounding heart,

sweating, trembling, muscular tension and digestive discomfort. Stress-related

changes can also affect sleep, concentration and appetite.

“Physical symptoms experienced during anxiety are not

imaginary. They are real experiences involving the brain and body. However, we

must also remember that physical illnesses can themselves produce anxiety. Therefore,

we should never assume that every symptom is psychological or discourage

someone from seeking medical attention when necessary,” Dr Sonkar clarified.

Can repeated concern unintentionally reinforce distress? Dr

Sonkar suggested that repeated health enquiries can sometimes keep a person's

attention fixed on suffering that they are attempting to overcome. “If somebody

is trying to recover emotionally, repeatedly reminding them of their health

problems may unintentionally return their thoughts to the same distressing

subject. Instead of allowing the mind to engage with daily activities,

meaningful relationships and positive experiences, we may repeatedly direct it

towards illness and anxiety,” he observed. He explained that repeated

reassurance can also become part of an anxiety cycle in certain individuals. A

person may feel worried, seek reassurance, experience temporary relief and then

begin worrying again. Under these circumstances, repeatedly discussing symptoms

may fail to provide lasting comfort.

However, Dr Sonkar cautioned against interpreting this

observation as a reason to stop expressing concern. Supportive conversations,

empathy and companionship can be valuable, especially during grief and

emotional hardship. “The important point is not that we should stop asking

about people's well-being. It is that we should understand when our way of

expressing concern is helping someone and when it may be unintentionally

keeping their distress alive,” he said.

What should we say instead? The Padma Shri scientist

suggested that, rather than repeatedly asking someone whether they have

recovered, friends and relatives could offer warmth, companionship and

practical assistance without continually bringing attention back to illness.

“Instead of asking the same person again and again, ‘How is

your health now?’, we can say, ‘I am thinking of you. If you need anything or

feel like talking, I am here.’ We can invite them for a walk, share a pleasant

conversation or help them return to activities they enjoy,” Dr Sonkar said. He

added that people experiencing grief may sometimes benefit from the opportunity

to talk about their loss, while at other times they may prefer to discuss

ordinary subjects and enjoy moments of distraction. Their preferences should

guide the nature of support.

Dr Sonkar also stressed that direct health questions remain

important when someone has concerning symptoms, needs medical assistance or may

be at risk. Sensitivity should complement appropriate medical care, not replace

it.

Calmness, happiness and the science of well-being: Dr Sonkar

further observed that mental and physical health are closely interconnected,

although neither can be reduced entirely to the other. “When we feel

emotionally safe, engage in meaningful activities and experience moments of

calmness, our body may benefit from reduced stress and improved sleep and daily

functioning. But happiness alone cannot guarantee good health, just as sadness

does not automatically make someone physically ill,” he explained.

He noted that grief is a natural response to the loss of a

loved companion and that recovery does not require a person to suppress

memories or pretend to be happy. Rather, emotional recovery often involves

gradually adapting to the loss while reconnecting with life.

Reflecting on his own experience, Dr Sonkar said that he had

become more conscious of how easily well-intentioned words could direct a

person's attention back towards emotional suffering.

“My experience made me realise that concern should not

become a repeated reminder of someone's pain. Sometimes, people need someone

who will listen. Sometimes, they need practical help. And sometimes, they

simply need the freedom to enjoy an ordinary conversation without being

reminded of their distress,” he said.

The message: Let concern become comfort: Dr Sonkar concluded

that caring for another person requires more than repeatedly enquiring about

their condition. It requires understanding their emotional needs, respecting

their preferences and offering support that helps them feel safe rather than

constantly conscious of their difficulties. “True concern is not measured by how frequently we ask

someone whether they are well. It is measured by whether our presence helps

them feel supported, understood and able to move forward. We should be careful

that our words, although spoken with affection, do not unintentionally renew

the very sadness or anxiety we want them to overcome,” the Padma Shri scientist

said.

He emphasised that the science of the brain–body connection

offers an important lesson for everyday human relationships: compassionate

communication should acknowledge suffering without making suffering the centre

of every interaction. As Dr Sonkar's observation suggests, sometimes the most meaningful

expression of concern is not another question about illness, but a reassuring

presence that allows a person to feel connected to life again.

Hindusthan Samachar / Abhishek Awasthi